It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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