and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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