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you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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