well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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