there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
