if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
