I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
