I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
