im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
