Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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