I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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