There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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