I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
