I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bring me that man meat
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
