Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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