Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
