I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
