he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
