He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Randomize
