dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
