Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
