the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
