It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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