im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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