so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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