i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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