happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
