so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
