Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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