When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
