: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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