To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
