i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
