Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
