I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
