Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
