what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
