I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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