Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
