You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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