rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found puke in my bra..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
