i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
