Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
