I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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