It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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