when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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