So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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