I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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