I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
