Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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